I have slowly pulled myself out of the stagnant phase and I
have now entered the floundering phase. I still have NO idea what I am doing,
but for some reason this uncertainty is more comfortable and even exciting. I
guess that’s because I know I am in motion in some way, for better or for
worse. I might not be going in the direction I am hoping I am moving in, but at
least I am moving.
In the past 2 weeks I have taken the advice of many of my
peers and made drastic steps to fling myself out of my comfort zone. I didn’t
give myself any time to talk myself out of it and I just reacted rather than
pondering all the possible outcomes. Sure, I didn’t do things completely appropriate,
but when do I ever do things in a completely PC manner?
I ended up doing something I have never in my life done, and
never in my life considered doing. I gave a cute boy my phone number. To an
average person a simple gesture, to me earth shattering. I did it and I
immediately felt an uplift in my potential and capacity to grow and change. At
that point I didn’t even care what the outcome was, I had shocked myself and
done something I had never done and I was riding a high. I was rewarded when the
boy actually texted me back (shocking me all over again since I hadn’t even
thought about the aftermath of this whole plan).
Now I’m not gonna start gushing about every detail about my
progress (god help me if this boy ever reads this blog. All my dirty laundry
will probably be the BIGGEST deal breaker of all time) but I am gonna say that
I am no longer working on stepping out of my comfort zone. There is no going
back, I was able to catapult myself out of my comfort zone and now I’m in a
strange new land. This land is all about learning how to relax and enjoy the
ride and NOT spend all my time analyzing every tiny detail or text or lack of
text. It’s exciting here and the unknown is no longer something I fear but
something I relish. I still have no idea what I am doing and I still freak out
sometimes and call every person in my contacts list asking for their advice and
input and begging them to remind me that everything will be ok. I have come to
terms with the fact that this will never be something that is easy for me, and
that’s ok. I’m just so glad to be moving in a new direction and trying new
things and not being afraid to put myself out there to see what I get back.
Music has had a MAJOR impact on my actions in the past 2
weeks and I would like to include a copy of the playlist that has spurned this
new awakening in me in the hopes that it provides confidence and inner power to
someone else that needs it.
Break on Through Playlist
1.
Xavia- The Submarines
2.
This Modern Love- Bloc Party
3.
Here Comes your Man- Meaghan Smith
4.
Message of Love- The Pretenders
5.
Make Damn Sure- Taking Back Sunday
6.
It’s a Fact (Printed Stained)- Matt & Kim
7.
I was born (a Unicorn)- The Unicorns
8.
Happiness Runs- Donovan
9.
Send me on my Way- Rusted Root
10.
Beautiful- The Go-gos
11.
Free to be you and Me- Marlo Thomas
12.
All is Love- Karen O and the Kids
13.
Utopia- Goldfrapp
14.
All the Way-Ladytron
15.
Don’t make me Over-Dionne Warwick
16.
Apocalypse Song-St. Vincent
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