"All war is deception" ~Sun Tzu

Most of you probably already know that I am mildly obsessed with Astrology. I find it a simple way to get a little guidance and advice that is unbiased and neutral and I use it to help me look at things with a different mindset. In fact I don’t get out of bed until I do two things:

 1. Write down all my dreams from the night before so I may review/analyze them later and

 2. Check my horoscope for the day. 

Now some might say this is a crazy waste of time and I am putting energy into a fake institution and basing my life on something that doesn’t exist. But isn’t that what life is? Having faith in something that is probably not real. I’m not saying that I believe every single bit of Astrology and I do every possible thing it recommends to me. But I do enjoy a little astrology nugget every now and then. The other day I woke up and this was waiting for me on my phone:
 

Don't be insecure about your status in your social circle. Your friends love you! You can be anyone you want to be, starting today -- so get to it! Your amazing personal energy is great for transformation and rediscovery, and you can improve your life immeasurably.

Who doesn’t want to believe that??? It got me thinking that if everyone woke up and were met with such positive energy first thing things would be different in this world. And if people were immediately instilled with confidence upon waking what a proactive, beautiful, diverse world we would live in. No one would be worried about not straightening their hair, or wearing their favorite ratty T-shirt, or even (gasp) going out without make-up on. If everyone was told something positive about themselves before they even left the house think of all the amazing outfits and hairstyles we would see. I would no longer be the crazy rainbow; everyone would feel more comfortable stepping out of the box.

I got up this morning and felt like crap. I haven’t been sleeping well, I’ve been eating too much, and I constantly have headaches from too much coffee or not enough coffee. I showered and went to get dressed and I was just flooded with dread. I couldn’t even fathom putting clothes on. I would have rather re-tiled the whole bathroom or pulled weeds all day then find something to put on my body. And I started getting real down on myself and think “Fuck it. Yoga pants again. I’m not gonna look good in anything anyway”. Then I stepped back and told myself to shut the hell up. Who the hell was I trying to impress? I mean, sure, I am interested in snagging a man one of these days (hopefully soon) but at what cost? Do I want to make myself feel like shit and tell myself that I am a fat, ugly, loud, immature person in order to motivate myself into bettering myself? Is that even how that works? It makes me laugh when I think about how women talk to their best friends and then compare that to how they talk to themselves. I recently spent time convincing a younger friend of mine (She is my little sister’s bestie) that she was a beautiful, funny, compassionate, creative human being. I went on and on about all the great things she has done and all the great things she will do. And when she left I ate some toast and Nutella and I called myself a fatass. So what the hell ladies? Why is it so easy to give these great pep talks to our girlfriends and then when it comes to motivating ourselves it’s all “fatass” and “loser”? 

I’ve thought about it and I’ve decided that I need to spend less time thinking about all the things I need to do to “better” myself and spend more time thinking about all the things I am awesome at. Because if I can’t be nice to myself then why should anyone else? I mean, I am stuck with this body and this mind for the rest of my life; I might as well make peace with it. I am so programmed to have these negative thoughts about myself and they are slowly eating away at my brain and all this self-confidence I have worked years to get.

So the new life plan for me is as follows:

1. Do all things authentic. Live as if you are on your Coachella Mecca trip. If that means wearing Yoga pants every damn day because that’s how you feel beautiful, then do it.

2. STOP TALKING SHIT ABOUT YOURSELF. It seems so simple but it is really SUPER hard. Nobody is as good at making fun of me then me. But those days need to be over. From now on I need to be my biggest fan.

3. Baby steps to success. Small changes daily are more likely to become habit. No need to do a full life make-over overnight. Work on one bad habit a day.

4. Be yourself. Even if it is painful and lonely stay true to yourself. You might end up alone, but it will be easier to live with yourself if you haven’t compromised your morals for someone else.

5. Don’t feel guilty about stuff you haven’t done or still need to accomplish. You are a work in progress, and that’s the col thing about being a human. Once you are complete you are dead. Let go of the expectations that are holding you back.

6. Don’t be afraid to try things even if they are foreign and scary. Growth is not easy and it does not happen without a LOT of hard work. Think of all the times you probably fell on your face when you were learning to walk. But aren’t you glad you did it? Same thing goes for riding bikes, driving, drinking, and school. I know I scraped some knees, dented some cars, barfed various beverages, and failed some tests, but all these things led to some greater knowledge that I now find invaluable.

7. Listen to the positive voices around you. Who knows if they are 100% correct, and who cares? If it makes you feel confident and brave and beautiful then it serves a greater purpose than truth.

8. When in doubt listen to your “Showtunes” station on Pandora. It cures all doubt and heals you up from the day’s worries. There is nothing a little “West Side Story” can’t cure.

9. Give compliments often and spread some positive energy every chance you get. In the words of Tate Langdon from American Horror Story, “The world is a filthy place, It's a filthy goddamn horror show. There's so much pain you know? There's so much”. Do your part to balance out some of the darkness by shedding some light and being a kind force in a world of naysayers.

When you stop and think about it everyone has something they are dealing with. Life is just inherently hard, for everyone. Even Marilyn Monroe had problems (they eventually caught up to her, God rest her soul). So I guess the best we can do is wake up every day ready to battle the negative energy  with the idea that we are all struggling, and we can either struggle together or struggle against each other. But it is much easier to fight with a buddy by your side telling you you look great dressed as a Unicorn than it is to go into battle solo with only your negative thoughts about how you are a fatty for eating another handful of Cheez-its.  If you beat yourself up before you even get to the battle then the darkness has already won.